Brunch at Cafe Federal

On Yer Bike!


Pay

Per Person Around €10 euros for a main, coffee and cake.

Basics
Location


In short
Hopes? Getting a seat for a late savoury brekkie.
First Impressions? A busy, open space with a strategically placed cake display, and an industrious Mac workstation.
A USP? Above average breakfast choices and the all important fresh milk in coffee factor.
The food in three words? Substantial yet light.
Can they get the staff? Yes.
Service with a smile? Busy but prompt service.
Would you take your friends? Yes, I've brought several here.
Rating for a dating? The ambience lends itself to more of a caffeine-fueled catch up than a date.
Tip? If so inclined. I don't take efficient front of house and table service for granted in this city.
If you could change one thing, what would it be? To not be seated at the big table, elbow to elbow with laptop users.
Going back? Might do if I'm in the area.

In Pictures
Federal on Google Images

What's the story?
No stranger to Café Federal, thanks to its' once excellent carrot cake, I dragged my reluctant coffee mate past the large windows seating the usual suspects nonchalantly updating LinkedIn, and into Millennial central.

Around Malasaña and Conde Duque, Federal attracts a certain crowd, and provides pricier than average coffee. That said, the coffee is good and ticks the elusive fresh milk box.Tellingly, the waiting staff speak English;but more often than not it's nasal English speakers with rising intonation who dominate.The place is spacious, the round tables comfortably apart. Nevertheless, the place is often packed, the low tables near the door popular with mums and babies on weekdays, the long table towards the back interspersed with freelancers busy taking up two chairs and trailing laptop chargers. (Note to waiting staff: do not seat customers who are there to eat and enjoy food elbow to elbow with customers who are there to work.)

Onto what we ordered. Me: a satisfying lentil burger, layered with squidgy, caramelised onions, crunchy greens and purples, and crowned with a fried egg. Yum. Loved the homemade coleslaw on the side but left the oily chunky chips, thus allowing for a square of chocolate caramel shortbread. B: a tall café latte and a baked cheesecake with raspberry jam (see comments below.)

Walking past the cake display takes less discipline than it used to; the carrot cake I have perhaps rose-tinted, replaced by a heavier gluten free version(now labelled as such) which overdoes the ginger and underdoes the carrot. However,the savoury food at Cafe Federal is consistently, reliably good. Simple, well-thought out combinations of flavours that work, not alarm or perplex. Past favourites include their lighter take on huevos rotos with spinach, parmesan, and exceptionally yellow egg yolks. The recent addition of halloumi is perhaps an indication of things to come. Their menu is vegetarian and potentially vegan, friendly and very comprehensive for those with allergies.

Over to B for a fresher look.

So, Cafe Federal. I'm fine with the Mac-toting tote bag carriers and the cacophony of English. Signs of the times.

Cafe Federal

Now, credit where its due. The coffee's great. Verging on excellent. Foodwise, it's variable. I've had muffins I'd not want again but baked cheesecakes as good as anything in town. So the sweet food is on the money. It's rewardable. Revisitable. But. This is honestly:madrid. And honestly this doesn't feel like Madrid. 

Taking my cue from HK's split infinitive earller, this is boldly going into a culinary holodeck. Captain Jean-Luc Picard's on the bridge and I can indulge in artifical reality for a while. Madrid in fact, but not in spirit. It was over there. Out through the windows. 

When Indian restaurants in Lavapies can share their sense of place by ending meals with classic Spanish digestives, it's not beyond the wit of somewhere this smart to use a bit of wit and, simply, put some Spain into things. 

Just add Spanish omelette and chorizo-led versions of those good-looking burgers. How about colacao cheesecake? Are torrijas on the brunch menu? Put the standard-size cafe latte in an authentic caña-style glass. I'd feel more at home because it'd feel Federal was more at home on Comendadores and didn't seem to wish it was downtown Melbourne, Seattle or East Didsbury over there. Through the windows.  Take more from where you are and make it your own. It'd be destination:somewhere, instead of situation:anywhere. 

AOB ? Oh yes. And we absolve Federal, for this, more or less.This week's h:m Award for Preposterous Self-entitlement (yes, struggling to think of whom to name it after) goes to an anonymous individual. The citation:
- For diligently unfolding a bike next to your seat and propping it on its proppy thing next to an unsuspecting potplant.
- For fiddling with whatever it is folding bike people fiddle with until, yes, sigh, everyone has noticed. You've got a folding bike. Inside a trendy caff.
- For wheeling it across said caff, past half a dozen tables letting the rest of us move chairs out of the way to help your egress.
You're so very welcome. Please come again, when you can't stay so long. And did I comment at the time? No. It's like a cycle without wheels. Some things are better unspoked.


On balance, your enjoyment of eating at Federal will depend on how high your tolerance is of socially inept laptop users, English speakers in general, and the presence of lap dogs in public eating spaces. Personally, I still rate the food but these days, there are plenty of other places in Madrid offering overpriced avocado on toasted rye, carrot cake, and good coffee. Time to upgrade my laptop and find them.

Review by HK, guest writer BS